I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My feet surprised me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
