I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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