Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
