i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
