We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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