I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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