I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
