just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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