So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
