Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
