Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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