Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
