I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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