You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drake has all the answers
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
