Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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