WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
