I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
