I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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