are you still at the devil's house?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
