Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
