you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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