I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
