Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
