I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
