I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
