So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
