I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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