and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
