He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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