In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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