i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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