I skipped work to stalk him.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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