Tell her she can't have a vagina
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
