There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why do cheetos always look like penises
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
