Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
