he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
