"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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