I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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