FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
