Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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