Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
