I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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