lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
