i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
