Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
