I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
