Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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