im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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