remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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