I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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