I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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