he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
