i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
