I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
