he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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