Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
