I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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