ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
