i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
