I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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