It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
