also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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