I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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