why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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