I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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