I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
