let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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