you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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